Coping with Pet Loss: A Guide for Young Children

Losing a pet can be one of the most difficult experiences for children. The bond we form with our pets is special, and when they pass away, it can leave us feeling sad, confused, and heartbroken. Remember, it's okay for you and your child to feel sad, and there are ways to honor and cherish the memories of our beloved pets.

Helping Your Child Understanding Pet Loss

Losing a pet is a natural part of life, but it can be hard for children to understand this loss. It is important to explain death in an age-appropriate manner, emphasizing that it means the pet will no longer be with us physically. It can be confusing for children to tell them that the pet has ‘gone away’ or that the pet ‘went to live somewhere else’. It may be better to use words like ‘death’ or ‘dying’ than euphemisms like ‘went to sleep’ or ‘went to heaven’. It is important that they understand that the pet has passed, that this is permanent, and that the pet will not return. If a child thinks a pet has just gone somewhere else they may feel it was their fault or they may wait for the pet to return.

It can be helpful to explain to children that a pet is very sick or that their body is no longer working because they are so sick. It is important to explain the difference between being a little sick and being very sick so that the child does not develop a fear of a family member or of themselves dying because they are sick. It can also be helpful for children to understand that our pets have a shorter lifespan than people, so while being 15 years old is young for people it is very old for our dogs and cats. It is important to be as honest about the death of your pet as you can be with children to minimize any confusion about what has happened and so that they will reach out to you about how they are feeling.

Having Your Child Present for a Euthanasia

It is helpful for the child to understand that the pet is sick, their body has stopped working, and that they will not get better. I generally explain that the euthanasia is a kind way for the pet to die peacefully and without pain. I will also ensure that the child understands that we are giving the pet a special medication that is never given to people.

For some children being present for the euthanasia is something they can handle emotionally and for others it may not be, it is up to you as the parent to decide. I will often suggest that if a child wants to be present they be present for the patient while they fall asleep from the sedation but not there for the injection that stops the heart. In some patients they can have muscle movements or even take very sudden and deep breaths after the final injection is administered and they have passed away. If this happens it can be upsetting for children to see and it may be something that they remember for a long time.

It is important to make sure your veterinarian knows that your child will be present for the euthanasia so they can make any special preparations they may prefer to have for children who will be present.

Helping Your Child Cope with Their Feelings

Grief is the intense sadness we feel when we lose someone we love, and it is normal to experience a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and even guilt. It can help to find out what your child thinks death is or what they want to know about death. It can also help to ask them to tell you about where they think their pet is now. If you allow your child to lead with questions you can use their questions to help guide you in what you tell them.Talking to your children about what they think they understand about death can help you determine if there are aspects of the death of their pet that are frightening to them so you can help them through it. 

If they ask you what happens after a pet dies you can explain to them any religious beliefs you may have about what happens after death. If you have your own beliefs about what happens after death or you may prefer to tell them that no one truly knows what happens after death. It is just best to be honest with them.

It can help to reassure your child that the pet is not scared or in any pain and that they are at peace. It can be very helpful to listen and reflect their feelings and concerns back to them when having these conversations. Having an adult who they feel understands what they are going through and normalizes these feelings for them can help them to feel reassurance that what they are going through is normal. It can also help to let them know that you are also sad about the loss of your pet and that you will miss them too. Remembering the happy moments we shared with them can bring comfort during this difficult time. While their time with us may be shorter, the love and joy they bring into our lives are immeasurable.

Honoring Your Pet's Memory

One way to cope with pet loss is by honoring your pet's memory. Create a special tribute, such as making art work or a photo collage or helping your child write a heartfelt letter to your pet or even a eulogy. You could also plant a tree or flowers in your yard as a living memorial and even spread their ashes in a place they enjoyed being. Engaging in these activities can bring a sense of closure and provide a positive outlet for your child's grief

Keeping Memories Alive

Hold onto the precious memories you and your family shared with your pet. Create a memory box where you can store photographs, collars, toys, and any other keepsakes that remind you of them. Looking through these items in the future can bring back fond memories and keep your pet's spirit alive in your heart.

Acceptance and Healing

Healing takes time, and it's essential to be patient with your children and yourself as you both go through the range of emotions that can happen with the loss of a pet. AS parents we often want to ease your child's pain as quickly as possible but it is important to validate their feelings and be patient with them.  Over time, the pain will lessen, and you'll be able to cherish the memories of your pet with a smile instead of tears. If you are worried that your child is not coping well or that they may need help reaching out to a grief counselor is a good option.

Losing a pet is undoubtedly a difficult experience, but make sure your child knows that they are not alone in their grief. By expressing your feelings, honoring your pet's memory, seeking support, and keeping their memories alive, your family can find comfort and healing. Embrace the love and joy your pet brought into your life and know that they will always hold a special place in your heart.